If I Needed You - Townes Van Zandt

For the wife, who never misses a sunrise. 

Ranger, tossing the stink-eye to a neighbor that dared to use our sidewalk.

HA! I’d have to stay up all night to ketchup with that level of punnery!

Here’s a crap picture of some peas. 

So, here’s a crap picture of a tomato in a stapler. I’ve always been taught that a picture should tell a story - and I’m not kidding here - I’ve got nothing.

I figure in two days, I’ll have enough peas to satisfy my summer. There are dozens of pods along the back fence; I guess a picture of those would have been more appropriate.

That middle shelf gets a lot of use; lemonade, milk, an octavin of wine (please don’t call it a box). I see at least three jars of mayonaisse, and several mayo-based products. Really, I had no idea we had so much mayo. That Smuckers strawberry rocks; the store-brand potato salad does not.

And Egg Beaters southwestern style eggs? Give me a break; Best. Breakfast. Ever. Do they sell these in the blander states? They rock. Cook ‘em up with a slice of bacon and a bit of cheddar, wrap it in a tortilla, and you’ll think you’re at Santiago’s or Little Anita’s (well, maybe not, but you’re in your underpants, so there is a balance). 

Streets of Bakersfield - Dwight and Buck know just how I feel today.

#8 in a series. That’s some serious cannonball, right?

Here’s a handy tip: Don’t set the camera to take eight photos of yourself diving into a pool. Have you seen the good v. bad naked episode of Seinfeld? The same rules apply to half-naked.

Photos 1 through 7 will not be shown here (okay, I might be talked into posting a tight-crop of the hilarious #7).

Hollywood spins tales, keeps us entertained.